Warmth and Intimacy: Wall or Gate?

Intimacy is about more than just being physical. It also includes how comfortable we feel creating, pursuing and managing relationships of all types. For some, intimacy or the desire for close personal relationships can be affected by experiences in our life that motivate us to protect ourselves from being hurt.

What is your Intimacy Quotient? Do you like to spend time alone and enjoy it? Do you enjoy learning about other people? Do people seem responsive and friendly to you? Take this test to find out if you have a wall around you or a gate for others to come through.

Carefully read each question and choose the one answer per question that best applies to you.


1.I spend time and energy developing relationships and friendships.
2.I have casual friendships with members of the opposite sex.
3.I like to touch others and be touched affectionately.
4.Sex is a way for me to express closeness and caring with my partner.
5.When my partner withdraws affection, I don’t immediately feel that I am rejected or abandoned.
6.I enjoy time alone without feeling lonely.
7.I am aware of and comfortable with my different moods and feelings.
8.I feel accepted, valued, and understood by my family and close friends.
9.I express both positive and negative feelings to those close to me.
10.I enjoy learning about other people.
11.I can resolve conflicts with my partner in mutually beneficial ways.
12.I share hopes and wishes as well as self-doubts with those close to me.
13.I have empathy and am sensitive to the feelings of others.
14.Other people seem friendly and responsive when I reach out to them.
15.I can tolerate faults in myself and in those close to me.